Episode 51: The curse of comparison

November 3, 2014

“It’s taboo to talk about who we envy, it’s taboo to talk about the fact that we do it, and it sort of doubles down on the internal blocks.”           - Lauren Bacon

"We understand that intrinsically it doesn't feel healthy...comparing yourself, feeling small, 'Why does she get to have what I don't have?'"   - Tanya Geisler

18 minutes.

Who hasn't compared herself to someone else at work, envying the relationship that person has with the boss, or the attention they get for their work? Then there's the other side of comparison - boosting your ego by assuring yourself you're better than that woman down the hall. Later we feel horrible for indulging in all this envy and disdain in the first place.

The comparisons we make at work can hold us back in our careers, whether we work for a company or for ourselves. In this show Canadian leadership coaches Lauren Bacon and Tanya Geisler explain how we can tame our urge to compare and turn it into something much more constructive.

Tanya Geisler (l) and Lauren Bacon (r)

Further reading: Lauren and Tanya's online program is at BeyondCompare.ca

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Episode 13: When women ask women for a raise

March 4, 2013

In this show we look at women and negotiating, but from an angle I'd never thought about until recently. What happens when a female employee asks a female boss for more money? Many women claim female managers recoil when they ask them for a raise. Why? And we return to the topic of women in technology. Why do so many women who work at tech companies perform 'emotional labor' roles rather than technological ones? 14 minutes. 

Show notes: here's the full story behind Ashley Welde's attempts to get a raise from her female managers (including details of who finally gave her a raise, un-asked). One thing I couldn't fit in the story is that Ashley's experiences have put her off female bosses. She prefers men because she believes they are likelier to advocate for her. Forbes Woman contributor Susannah Breslin feels the same way about male bosses, though for different reasons. Thoughts?

Sara Laschever is co-author of two books on women and negotiating and travels throughout the US giving workshops and talks on this topic.

Here's the piece in Dissent magazine about ex-Facebook worker Katherine Losse and the culture of Silicon Valley, which got Lauren Bacon thinking. Losse's book is The Boy Kings. And here's Lauren's blog post, 'Women in Tech and Empathy Work', which spurred our conversation.